Anxiety/OCD

Puppies? No Thanks

My Biggest Fear

So what am I afraid of? What REALLY scares me and sends me into a panic? To put it simply….germs.

But to be more specific….this

How could anyone be scared of that? Just look at that cute puppy face!

Well friends…it’s sad but true. You see, it’s not in the size of the animal or even the type of animal. It’s what’s inside the animal like parasites and viruses and bacteria and a great big cesspool of icky things. At least that’s what the OCD part of my brain has decided for me. This is the story of my contamination OCD.

A Drastic Change

Was I always this way? Absolutely not. I’ve interacted with hundreds of animals in my lifetime including dogs, cats, hamsters, gerbils, pigs, goats, giraffes, elephants, camels, kangaroos, snakes….you name it. As you can see, I used to be an animal fanatic. I probably should have had my own Animal Planet show. If there was an animal nearby, I just had to touch it! But then somewhere along the way my OCD latched on to what those animals could potentially be carrying and pass on to me. Yikes!

Developing a New Lifestyle

You may be thinking “What’s so bad about not touching animals? There are lots of people that don’t like animals; no biggie.” But you know how many people DO like them? More than I can count. Going to see friends and family became stress inducing. Going to public parks where dogs ran free was a nightmare. Every part of my life had to become carefully calculated. And it doesn’t stop there. I began to fear being outside in general. Fun trips to the park became a thing of the past, sitting on the grass seemed unnatural, and dropping my keys or cell phone on the ground was a nightmare.

Rationally, these fears don’t make sense. But for a brain that is riddled with OCD, all rational thought gets tossed out the window. So that’s my struggle. A never-ending battle between what I know and what OCD convinces me to think. So what’s a girl to do? Keep pushing, believe you can get better, and never forget that you are loved.

Much love -Aud

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1 Comment

  1. melinda says:

    I am soooooooooo proud of you and for you, my beautiful daughter, and really look forward to seeing more and more of this incredible journey you are traveling in hopes of helping others! I love you Pop Tart!

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